a poem form 2005

came across this today on an old account i
used to have on vampirefreaks.....



Cocaine Blues


In one split-second
instant regret coursed
through my veins.
...powder...
dissolving mercilessly
in my nose, laying waste
to 3 years of abstinence.
Shaking as The sweat
from my palms moistens my face
i hold my head in my hands.
My stomach turns at the
memory of the night before.
i feel so profoundly pathetic.
Streched-out, and thin
squandering my life on substance.
Strung out
wondering why
my life has gone no where.
It tempted me until i gave in.
coaxing me with empty promises
of instant fulfillment.
Only to afterwards
feel so fragile and weak-minded
and empty....
abandoned...
devoid..
hollow...
vacuous...
i am powerless!
Addiction never goes away,
it never gets any easier. It doesn't fade away
it lingers on like a tragic memory.
I will always be an addict.
Addiction is dealt with every
waking second at a time.
Minutes feel like days and
days seem like millenia.
It is a never-ending hell
of frustration and remorse.
All i have left is my regrets